Kinder late to write this but please don’t hate me you see I haven’t been myself in a long time... Don’t dismiss me just yet just hear my plight first. I have been lucky for a very longtime. The worst I did then is now the least I do. My priorities have taken a back seat to urges with in me I never knew existed. The last time I spoke to you was my 20th a year and a half has passed and a lot has happened. Where do I begin? How do I even begin?
Well other than the obvious I am now 21 have been for 6months, been in Malaysia for a year and a half, new friends the whole 9 yards. I treasure the new people that I met I now call my family. Our unity in the separation of our loved ones back home has united us in to watching out for each other and leaning on one another. Unfortunately not everyone you meet comes off smelling like roses. So yes I have met the good and the bad.
The year 2010 went by so fast I can’t remember what exactly happened…oh wait the world cup was hosted in Africa! I aced my first year exams…so it wasn’t all that bad, however I cannot say the same for 2011…yes I turned 21. I’m now apparently legal to enter clubs and drink alcohol but that’s no achievement to me. All I know is that I now have 9yrs before turning 30. But that was just the beginning of the year. So much has happened it’s hard to get your head around it. Japan was struck by a tsunami, Libya is in the middle of a civil war, piracy is on the rise in Somalia and people are still being killed by senseless actions whilst the majority of the population is still starving.
I lost someone very important to me my dearest Adher (uncle) may Allah embrace you and award you Jannat.
However I am not complaining maybe I’m trying to unite my teens with this 21yr old woman I barely recognize. Some may call it growing up but if this is it. I don’t want any of it! The positive energy I have is slowly being eroded and I have realized the older I get the more cynical I’m becoming. They say the older you become the wiser you get. That does not hold true for me. It’s the opposite. I have become reckless and vain. Vanity I once promised will never consume me. But it’s slowly taking over.
I promise my intentions were pure when I sat down to type. I did not want to burden you with all of this. I guess I miss the old me. The care free girl that saw the good in people. The one that never expected to be lied to or even hurt. But situations make you grow up. My dear friends this world is cruel oh so cruel.
But everyone has a calling to beat the demons that threatens to consume them in order to serve humanity with dignity. I guess all this time I was sheltered and now that I am venturing out in to the world I am finally meeting my adversaries. It’s hard being faced with your weaknesses and not having the ammunition to fight them, but to me that’s the major test in this life. Developing this ammunition needs you to know yourself what weaknesses you have within and then developing the right tool to combat it. It’s just like going to war. The difference this time is that you are at war with yourself.
I guess what I’m really trying to say is that life does weird things to people it’s up to us in the end. We choose at the end of the day to succumb to life or for life to succumb to us.
I’m sorry that my 21st year was not as upbeat as the previous ones but bear with me I am at war with myself I call this period a “transition” yes a transition to greater things Inshallah……I guess the most important lesson I have learnt these past two years is that growing up is a challenge not to be taken lightly. These are the years that make or break you. You cannot be side tracked as this will determine who you are in the future. (Lesson learnt)
I hope my 22nd will be more upbeat and hopefully I won’t be on a corner street somewhere hustling my way through life. It may work for others but it “aint” my thing. But One thing I hope will never change are the people that make me smile.
I wish you all a happy Ramadan and a blessed rest of the year may Allah grant us all our dreams and hopes and may we remain united with our loved ones…
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