Happiness Spoke To Me by Fatima Khalif

Stop.For once take a step out of the little cocoon that you call your life.Take a minute to look around.Do you see it?

Wait.Do you recognise what i say..your confused right?

Nothing makes sense you are wondering where you are.

Quick duck!Phew that was close.Your child almost hugged you.You are shivering with terror you have never experienced this have you.

Have you taken your emotions in to consideration lately.What?you dont know what emotions are right?Blasphemy!Did you see that child out on the street that asked you for a penny or may be the old lady that required a little assistance to cross the road.Better yet do you have a conscience?

You look nauseous are you ok?These are pretty harmless questions SIR.All of a sudden you sit up straight finally something you recognise.The leap from cowering fool to self important pig is amazing.You burn your eyes at me.You don't quite like my tone.Hey wait you just had an emotion "displeasure"but..its not much of an improvement because thats the only emotion you are comfortable feeling.

Lets take a trip.Hold my hand.I SAID HOLD IT!

You are freaking out as we arrive at our destination.You quickly grab your nose.Utter filth your eyes are burning.We get closer we find ourselves in the mist of total human destruction.But life was still going on little children were running around playing ball and their mums cooking what little they scraped.Their fathers were hard at work trying to clear up the mess the capitalist world threw at them.But wait what's that "laughter"?unbelieveble in this place?You finally let go of your nose.A child came up to you and asks you why you are sad.You immediately squint your eyes in defence but unbelievable right?You in your $4000 suit a kid that has never owned a pair of shoes is asking you why you are sad.You look again they seem light hearted i can see you trying to grasp a word for what they are feeling...you gasp i can see you almost have it..say it already you blurt out, "HAPPY"!They are happy.We take a look again together. We look past the filth we see the light hearted banter between the folk, the carefree attitude.

This is not right you think.You have being seeing a shrink for the last decade to help you grasp human emotion and here in the blink of an eye you get it! Life is all about the little things.Oh yes here it comes you feel remorse I can see you shrinking.Your thinking how could you be so neglectful all you've constantly cared about the last 2 decades is the size of your bank account while constantly being on prozac.

I have been on this journey countless of times. I'm tired.Im exhausted.I have been around the world making people realise that the little they have is the most precious. I'm afraid ive aged over the years.My demise is soon.I wouldn't trade my life for anything.But its useless wishing I could go on.

I appeal to humanity to take a look around and make sure the people around you are happy. When you realise that they are happy because you had something to do with it.You will immediately get this rush of warmth. Thats happiness.

THE BEGINNING

It is not often we are given the chance to wipe our slates clean, or right a wrong or even admit what you really feel. You hear people talking about what they will do for a new resolution but seldom ever achieve even the first on their list. You see people make lists everyday but hardly even glance at. So much time and effort is put in to the wrong thing. You see the human has become a master at one thing. That is lying to oneself. Often we get the urge that you have been slacking off thus you go and sit down and make a list of all the things you ought to do. You then feel a sense of achieving something and so after ticking off just one or two things on your list all is right in the world again. We keep building this false sense of achievement and in the end when you sit and look back on your day, your week, year or even your entire life you feel this sense of disappointment and failure but this is brief as this feeling is temporarily forgotten by making another resolution

As the years go by you begin to realize that life did not turn out as you envisioned what happened to all those hopes and dreams? The promise to yourself, that you would achieve all your goals.  Be fulfilled mentally, physically and emotionally.  It is true what they say you cannot set out to achieve everything that you set out to do but that’s beside the point. What happened to being genuine being true to yourself lie to another but why continue lying to you? Could it be because we are afraid of what we might find out about ourselves? But this I must ask how can we live with ourselves when we keep avoiding ourselves. How often have you ever sat down alone and really asked yourself what is going on with you? Oh yes we know the stuff like how those jeans would look on you or what that shade of blush does for you. But do you really know what goes inside of you and I’m not talking about the latest diet you are on. I’m talking about an almost spiritual like connection with yourself.  This is not an easy feat as the human is often afraid of finding out the truth. Thus we continue lying to ourselves building castles in the air and mean while the pharmaceutical company keeps getting paid for all those happy pills they are supplying you with.

So come on start over with yourself it is never too late to get know someone especially yourself. I know what I speak of is a hard thing to do but it could be interesting you might be surprised at the courage in you that lurks within and just needs a little goading to come out. So come on look in that mirror and start off with a just hi, it just maybe the little push you need to having a well balanced life.

UNTITLED

I am not perfect I am imperfect, nor am I always truthful I am a liar.

I do not always say what I mean or mean what I say, I am a hypocrite.

I am inconsistent with my actions and sometimes with my thoughts, I am flawed more than I am perfect..

I smile because I feel have to but not because I want to and sometimes i show up for the same reasons.

 My will is weak and my insight is almost gone..you wonder how long one such as me can go on. I am not alone there are more of me out there, we are merely misguided and on the wrong path. We pray Allahs light will shine on us and guide us home. Until then all we can do is make Dua to be one of those that are saved. Do not look at me in shame I came to you pure but you took me in deceit, your disease is not terminal and Allahs mercy will be our cure. I am sick of pretending we are cool, you Sir are not my friend you are a foe and the sooner I resist you the sooner the sooner I can finally go to a better place.That place promised to us by the Almighty One.

"DEAR SIR......."

Money aint a question for some but the majority can't even get a daily portion to fill their empty stomachs.

Bullets and pellets been hailed across the globe, if it aint blood washing our streets away then its floods. Natural disasters have become a common norm.

Sadness grips all corners but some corners are just lined up with a few looking to make a quick buck "yes man I'll take that heroine."

Families have become distant its all about whose flossing and who isn't. My house is bigger than yours competitions. But you looked passed the petition to make the government listen. Why? Because their problems arnt yours because you still flossing. 

Man I can't even look anymore when you see a 5yr old girl caked with make up so she can beg on the streets while her mummy watches on. Did I mention its past her bedtime. She should be in bed excited about tomorrow. 

But that's not the issue! Oh how I wish we could wipe the Dunyas problems with a simple swipe of tissue.

I'm not tryna be lyrical but I can't help being cynical when I see how the other half lives. Man did she spend 14,000 pounds a month on her hair?

We could go on all day but that would achieve nothing, come on man this aint hard to understand like latin, its simple train of thought put forth by a writer thats tryna refrain the world from total chaos. 

stop the violence,the fight henceforth is with our words put the sword down and pick up a pen.

"Dear Sir".........

EL-HAJJ MALIK EL-SHABAZZ*Malcolm X*

Many a tales been told about this particular gentleman but nevertheless i would not feel secure in my writing if i did not at least pen down my thoughts on this extraordinary man.
Born Malcolm Little on may 19 1925 in Omaha, Nebraska to mother Louis Norton and father Earl Little. He had what can be called a traumatic childhood. Father assassinated by the black legions(racist organization)which he was very outspoken about propelled his mother to having a nervous breakdown. This led her to being committed to a mental institution. Her children distributed amongst various orphanages and foster homes.
Malcolm in the middle of all this turmoil managed to stay focused in school for he was intelligent and had a hunger for knowledge, graduating first in his class in junior high.
However he soon lost interest when a favorite teacher told him his dream of being a lawyer was un realistic for a "nigger". Malcolm dropped out and was soon immersed in illegal activities by 1942 he was coordinating various narcotics, prostitution and gambling rings, leading to his arrest in 1946.
Malcolm used this period of isolation to further his education .It was during this period of enlightment that he was visited by his brother Reginald and was told of an organization called The Nation Of Islam. Intrigued Malcolm studied the teachings of the organizations leader Elijah Muhammad. Malcolm found common ground with this paticular organization because it spoke against Black oppression so it was no surprise when Malcolm was paroled in 1952 he was a devoted follower. He was rejuvinated and to prove it he dropped his slave name Little and changed it to X which signified the loss of his tribal name.
Malcolm was soon given the chance to exercise his intelligence and outspoken nature in the organization quickly being promoted to minister and spokesperson. Given the authority and responsibility to spread the ideals of the organization  Malcolm was credited for increasing membership from 500 in 1952 to 30,000 in 1963.
But of course a man surrounded by crowds and controversy immediately becomes a media magnet hence his rise to fame. This new found fame eclipsed that of his mentor Elijah.
The Nation Of Islams"TNOI"increasing numbers soon attracted the attention of the FBI leading to infiltrations of the organization. Malcolm’s faith was dealt a strong blow when came to light Elijahs secret relations with 6 different women within TNOI. Shocking to Malcolm because he strictly adhered to The prophet Muhammad’s teachings and remained celibate until his marriage to Betty Shabaz. Malcolm even though he faced pressure to keep the matter quiet was deeply hurt and betrayed hence him breaking away to form the Muslim.Inc. That same year Malcolm travelled for hajj and came back with a new outlook towards life. You see he always thought people of different race would never get along and yet in Mecca he witnessed people of different race and walks of life come together as one to worship one GOD.
Malcolm soon started singing a different tune he believed if America could accept Islam then racism would be wiped out.
A very dangerous message that led to several attempts on his life the last that claimed his life. Shot on stage 15times from close range. February 21 1965.Age 39.Prononced dead on arrival at the hospital, his wife later gave birth to twins that year.
3 members of TNOI were convicted of the murder. But rare are things ever that Black and white Malcolm X was assassinated for in my opinon for his sphere of influence. This may sound corny but Malcolm was never meant to survive in this world he was too good for it. Can you imagine the level of his influence today if he was allowed to live?
What an inspiration! Malcolm said, “remove the word freedom from your vocabulary if you are not willing to die for it “such passion such devotion for what he believed in .We can all take something from his way of life. He overcame a traumatic childhood to become one of the most influential people in history. Malcolm all i can say is that is your teacher must have been a damn fool for you achieved what a lawyer would never in 5 life times may ALLAH continue to shower you with blessings.
To his family i say take heed! You are more than privileged to have had the honor to carry his name.
To you the reader i leave you with EL-HAJJ MALIK EL-SHABAZ'S letter from Mecca.
*Pleasant reading*


Never have I witnessed such sincere hospitality and overwhelming spirit of true brotherhood as is practiced by people of all colors and races here in this Ancient Holy Land, the home of Abraham, Muhammad and all the other Prophets of the Holy Scriptures. For the past week, I have been utterly speechless and spellbound by the graciousness I see displayed all around me by people of all colors.

I have been blessed to visit the Holy City of Mecca. I have made my seven circuits around the Ka'ba, led by a young Mutawaf named Muhammad. I drank water from the well of the Zam Zam. I ran seven times back and forth between the hills of Mt. Al-Safa and Al-Marwah. I have prayed in the ancient city of Mina, and I have prayed on Mt. Arafat.

There were tens of thousands of pilgrims, from all over the world. They were of all colors, from blue-eyed blonds to black-skinned Africans. But we were all participating in the same ritual, displaying a spirit of unity and brotherhood that my experiences in America had led me to believe never could exist between the white and non-white.

America needs to understand Islam, because this is the one religion that erases from its society the race problem. Throughout my travels in the Muslim world, I have met, talked to, and even eaten with people who in America would have been considered 'white'--but the 'white' attitude was removed from their minds by the religion of Islam. I have never before seen sincere and true brotherhood practiced by all colors together, irrespective of their color.

You may be shocked by these words coming from me. But on this pilgrimage, what I have seen, and experienced, has forced me to re-arrange much of my thought-patterns previously held, and to toss aside some of my previous conclusions. This was not too difficult for me. Despite my firm convictions, I have always been a man who tries to face facts, and to accept the reality of life as new experience and new knowledge unfolds it. I have always kept an open mind, which is necessary to the flexibility that must go hand in hand with every form of intelligent search for truth.

During the past eleven days here in the Muslim world, I have eaten from the same plate, drunk from the same glass, and slept in the same bed (or on the same rug)--while praying to the same God--with fellow Muslims, whose eyes were the bluest of blue, whose hair was the blondest of blond, and whose skin was the whitest of white. And in the words and in the actions in the deeds of the 'white' Muslims, I felt the same sincerity that I felt among the black African Muslims of Nigeria, Sudan, and Ghana.

We were truly all the same (brothers)--because their belief in one God had removed the white from their minds, the white from their behavior, and the white from their attitude.

I could see from this, that perhaps if white Americans could accept the Oneness of God, then perhaps, too, they could accept in reality the Oneness of Man--and cease to measure, and hinder, and harm others in terms of their 'differences' in color.

With racism plaguing America like an incurable cancer, the so-called 'Christian' white American heart should be more receptive to a proven solution to such a destructive problem. Perhaps it could be in time to save America from imminent disaster--the same destruction brought upon Germany by racism that eventually destroyed the Germans themselves.

Each hour here in the Holy Land enables me to have greater spiritual insights into what is happening in America between black and white. The American Negro never can be blamed for his racial animosities--he is only reacting to four hundred years of the conscious racism of the American whites. But as racism leads America up the suicide path, I do believe, from the experiences that I have had with them, that the whites of the younger generation, in the colleges and universities, will see the handwriting on the walls and many of them will turn to the spiritual path of truth--the only way left to America to ward off the disaster that racism inevitably must lead to.

Never have I been so highly honored. Never have I been made to feel more humble and unworthy. Who would believe the blessings that have been heaped upon an American Negro? A few nights ago, a man who would be called in America a 'white' man, a United Nations diplomat, an ambassador, a companion of kings, gave me his hotel suite, his bed. ... Never would I have even thought of dreaming that I would ever be a recipient of such honors--honors that in America would be bestowed upon a King--not a Negro.

All praise is due to Allah, the Lord of all the Worlds.

Sincerely,

El-Hajj Malik El-Shabazz

LOVE

I was drowning in emotions. Felt like someone took hold of my heart and was squeezing it so hard. This pain was unbearable.
Felt like sharp shards of glass were piercing the entire surface of my heart.
My body writhed in pain .I just wanted this to end.
He was the reason i lived. I know it sounds pathetic, but it’s true. What we shared was sacred to me. A bond unbreakable we were supposed to be forever.
My body ached for his touch. I miss the way he would kiss the soft skin behind my ear and tell me everything would be alright.
I was a skeptic and a pessimist with my nose in the air when we met. But with no effort at all he turned me in to an optimistic romantic. Sadly i remember the way he would tease me. OH! The laughter we shared.
I know i was punishing myself with these memories but they were painfully sweet. They fed my pain like heroine would an addict.
I remember the first time he told me. I should have been prepared for this. But tell me is there a notion that can prepare you for the total destruction of your life?
He was the one. The one whose soul was in tune with mine, every breath he took sang to my blood. And when we kissed it felt like i was given a new lease to life.
My tears fell more gently now. It’s as though i was running out. I was drained. I just wanted to sleep and never wake up.
Suddenly i hear his voice. "You have to move on". I was startled. But then i was not of sound mind.
But those unspoken words had an effect on me that i could not explain. My entire being was slowly but painfully been dragged out from this remorseful place it resided. This filled me with panic. I thought this was the only way to hold on to him. The pain was a small price i would have to pay to keep his gorgeous faced etched in my memories forever.
I knew this was selfish on those around me.
I also see how they whisper behind my back. They say, "why is she taking this too hard, it was expected." How i want to scream at them. They don’t understand. But then i smile to myself. They will never know the love we shared. They will never understand. I feel proud suddenly. I feel thankful that i was one of the few chosen to experience this wonderful thing.
I remember how i scoffed at the term "LOVE" before. OH! How I’m happy to have been proved wrong.
My beloved maybe gone and it may take a longtime to get over it. But i know how blessed I am, to have loved and be loved in a magical way.
I look around and i observe what LOVE means today. I see how its uttered with no meaning or even affection behind it...And then i think of my "HIM" And I am happy.

Transition

Kinder late to write this but please don’t hate me you see I haven’t been myself in a long time... Don’t dismiss me just yet just hear my plight first. I have been lucky for a very longtime. The worst I did then is now the least I do.  My priorities have taken a back seat to urges with in me I never knew existed. The last time I spoke to you was my 20^th a year and a half has passed and a lot has happened. Where do I begin? How do I even begin?

Well other than the obvious I am now 21 have been for 6months, been in Malaysia for a year and a half, new friends the whole 9 yards. I treasure the new people that I met I now call my family. Our unity in the separation of our loved ones back home has united us in to watching out for each other and leaning on one another. Unfortunately not everyone you meet comes off smelling like roses. So yes I have met the good and the bad.

The year 2010 went by so fast I can’t remember what exactly happened…oh wait the world cup was hosted in Africa! I aced my first year exams…so it wasn’t all that bad, however I cannot say the same for 2011…yes I turned 21. I’m now apparently legal to enter clubs and drink alcohol but that’s no achievement to me. All I know is that I now have 9yrs before turning 30. But that was just the beginning of the year. So much has happened it’s hard to get your head around it. Japan was struck by a tsunami, Libya is in the middle of a civil war, piracy is on the rise in Somalia and people are still being killed by senseless actions whilst the majority of the population is still starving.

I lost someone very important to me my dearest Adher (uncle) may Allah embrace you and award you Jannat.

However I am not complaining maybe I’m trying to unite my teens with this 21yr old woman I barely recognize. Some may call it growing up but if this is it. I don’t want any of it! The positive energy I have is slowly being eroded and I have realized the older I get the more cynical I’m becoming. They say the older you become the wiser you get. That does not hold true for me. It’s the opposite. I have become reckless and vain. Vanity I once promised will never consume me. But it’s slowly taking over.

I promise my intentions were pure when I sat down to type. I did not want to burden you with all of this. I guess I miss the old me. The care free girl that saw the good in people.  The  one that never expected to be lied to or even hurt. But situations make you grow up. My dear friends this world is cruel oh so cruel.

But everyone has a calling to beat the demons that threatens to consume them in order to serve humanity with dignity. I guess all this time I was sheltered and now that I am venturing out in to the world I am finally meeting my adversaries. It’s hard being faced with your weaknesses and not having the ammunition to fight them, but to me that’s the major test in this life. Developing this ammunition needs you to know yourself what weaknesses you have within and then developing the right tool to combat it. It’s just like going to war. The difference this time is that you are at war with yourself.

I guess what I’m really trying to say is that life does weird things to people it’s up to us in the end. We choose at the end of the day to succumb to life or for life to succumb to us.

I’m sorry that my 21^st year was not as upbeat as the previous ones but bear with me I am at war with myself I call this period a “transition” yes a transition to greater things Inshallah……I guess the most important lesson I have learnt these past two years is that growing up is a challenge not to be taken lightly. These are the years that make or break you. You cannot be side tracked as this will determine who you are in the future. (Lesson learnt)

I hope my 22^nd will be more upbeat and hopefully I won’t be on a corner street somewhere hustling my way through life. It may work for others but it “aint” my thing. But One thing I hope will never change are the people that make me smile.

I wish you all a happy Ramadan and a blessed rest of the year may Allah grant us all our dreams and hopes and may we remain united with our loved ones…